In an effort to raise my MSSR, I’ve found it necessary to take a brief hiatus from the blog. For the past several weeks, I have been diligently tanning at the multitude of salons in town trying to achieve that perfect bronze glow. (My thanks to a blog commenter who pointed out that tanning is a true passion of the natives. I’ll admit this is something I hadn’t noticed until now.) As I was lying in the tanning bed one evening, it struck me to ponder if there is local significance to the ratio of tanning salons to bars…
In an effort to raise the MSSR of my offspring, I’ve enrolled them in every sports performance program and private coaching I can find, for I’ve realized that athletic perfection is the holy grail to which my children should aspire if they ever hope to achieve local acceptance. Many thanks to the friend who recently pointed out to me that participants as young as 5 years old are ranked by their coaches yearly, in both the MSA and MAA. Silly me, I thought kids’ sports was for fun and learning…especially at the age of 5. Watch out, Morris! Next season when the pro-style draft occurs, my kid’s gonna score higher than your kid!
All kidding aside, what message does this send to our children? Why is it that this town whole-heartedly embraces youth sports programs, complete with secret player rankings and practices up to 5 days a week, yet little or no gifted or accelerated programs are offered in our schools to emphasize and reward academic excellence?
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In a town in which there is rampant illegal steroid usage with some of the "sports stars" (much of that encouraged by coaches as well as parents) and teen Britney Spears wannabes dancing around in skimpy outfits during cornfest and football games (by which every hornball midlifed male morrisite can feast their eyes), is it any wonder that there is such an emphasis on tanning? We have more nail joints and hair salons per capita than any large suburb probably due to that alleged hair academy in Morris. Brains, integrity and character dont count for much in this town. How you appear on the outside does.
I actually heard one high school "pom" state on the radio that her lifes dream was to become a "pom". Sadly the good majority of these types will be sitting in ebbys a few years from now still talking about their high school glory days...just like their parents.
Kids learn what they live.
Oh Social, Welcome back! I thought for a while that you had fallen victim to the insiders through some crazy ISP searching mission they put together. I was your previous respondent on the tanning bed recommendation, I'm glad you took to some of my advice. Some of the latest events I have found that may prove to raise my MSSR is that I have been able to rub shoulders at the downstairs bar with some of the Morris Elite. At first it was a bit startling as my body had to adjust, you know, the drinking...gambling...and deal making. No fire truck driving yet but it has all started to pay off now. Not only did I get to meet the Sheriff but also the current AND FORMER State's Attorneys. What a card the former one is! He sounds like he knows where to keep himself warm, good advise to newcomers like us. Heck I even got to talk to a guy who knew that Will County Executive fella Larry Welch, what a pickle he is in....or should I just say he was pickled. At any rate, I hope you are starting to fit in a little better and I wish you luck with the youth sports programs, no kids here which probably hurts my MSSR. Honey, come here, I got somethin for ya.
There's plenty of money to fund sports in this town, but "forget it" when it actually comes to pony up for education. Sad...
sounds like ya got itall figgered out. Congratulations! Now get down to the eagles and pay your dues.
Sorry I'm late....Fun Blog.
I have a friend who for her Sociology project visited a local restaurant in the mornings and politely sat at the "local's long table". Great piece she wrote - a study of "outsiders" invading the space of "insiders" - she did get a well deserved "A".. What a fun project.
By the way, why are the politcal blogs so quiet these days?
Because the 'outsiders' have taken over and the 'insiders' have had their dysfunctionality revealed.
Or maybe it because instead of nebulous concepts of "outsiders" and "insiders", there was just a single man or a small group of trolls who generated all the noise and furor, and he's gone off for whatever reason.
That be my guess.
Well SoMo, I look forward to seeing you this evening at the Chapin's tasting dinner. Assuming you made the list to that event...
Would you like an 'Inside' take as to how the event unfolds?
If you dont grow up in Morris, the locals will never accept you into their town
Not true, sheldon's wife isn't from here is she?
A tad misinformed, MSA has coaches rate players in an efort to equalize a teams roster. All teams get an equal number of high performing players before moving down to more novice players. The "draft" is done from a hat and blind until drawn. Actually every attempt is made to make the teams level in player abilities. Does not always work, but every effort is made.
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