In search of a bronze glow and the perfect swing.

In an effort to raise my MSSR, I’ve found it necessary to take a brief hiatus from the blog. For the past several weeks, I have been diligently tanning at the multitude of salons in town trying to achieve that perfect bronze glow. (My thanks to a blog commenter who pointed out that tanning is a true passion of the natives. I’ll admit this is something I hadn’t noticed until now.) As I was lying in the tanning bed one evening, it struck me to ponder if there is local significance to the ratio of tanning salons to bars…

In an effort to raise the MSSR of my offspring, I’ve enrolled them in every sports performance program and private coaching I can find, for I’ve realized that athletic perfection is the holy grail to which my children should aspire if they ever hope to achieve local acceptance. Many thanks to the friend who recently pointed out to me that participants as young as 5 years old are ranked by their coaches yearly, in both the MSA and MAA. Silly me, I thought kids’ sports was for fun and learning…especially at the age of 5. Watch out, Morris! Next season when the pro-style draft occurs, my kid’s gonna score higher than your kid!

All kidding aside, what message does this send to our children? Why is it that this town whole-heartedly embraces youth sports programs, complete with secret player rankings and practices up to 5 days a week, yet little or no gifted or accelerated programs are offered in our schools to emphasize and reward academic excellence?