In search of a bronze glow and the perfect swing.

In an effort to raise my MSSR, I’ve found it necessary to take a brief hiatus from the blog. For the past several weeks, I have been diligently tanning at the multitude of salons in town trying to achieve that perfect bronze glow. (My thanks to a blog commenter who pointed out that tanning is a true passion of the natives. I’ll admit this is something I hadn’t noticed until now.) As I was lying in the tanning bed one evening, it struck me to ponder if there is local significance to the ratio of tanning salons to bars…

In an effort to raise the MSSR of my offspring, I’ve enrolled them in every sports performance program and private coaching I can find, for I’ve realized that athletic perfection is the holy grail to which my children should aspire if they ever hope to achieve local acceptance. Many thanks to the friend who recently pointed out to me that participants as young as 5 years old are ranked by their coaches yearly, in both the MSA and MAA. Silly me, I thought kids’ sports was for fun and learning…especially at the age of 5. Watch out, Morris! Next season when the pro-style draft occurs, my kid’s gonna score higher than your kid!

All kidding aside, what message does this send to our children? Why is it that this town whole-heartedly embraces youth sports programs, complete with secret player rankings and practices up to 5 days a week, yet little or no gifted or accelerated programs are offered in our schools to emphasize and reward academic excellence?

So...when is the next PTA meeting?

So, I was thinking recently that I wouldn’t feel like such an outsider if I actually had some friends in town. As it is now, I find myself driving out of town to meet friends from work or places we’ve previously lived. This touches on two key issues. One is the fact that there is very little to actually do in Morris…. a subject for a future post.

The second and most pressing at this time is that there seems to be no way to break into the social scene in Morris. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be in the “in crowd”. I know and accept my limitations, at least as they pertain to my Morris Social Status Rating (aka. MSSR). However, it would be really nice to have friends in the neighborhood to get together with for summertime BBQs, a game of cards or dinner and drinks.

I’ve tried to make friends….chit chat at a ballgame, idle talk with a parent at a school event, etc. These end in two general catastrophes. 1) I realize I’ve unknowingly tried to talk with someone clearly out of my MSSR and find myself the subject of odd stares and behind-the-hand whispers by those in the know -- or 2) The object of my attempt at friendship, them self, has previously fallen to the spoils of catastrophe #1 and they’re too gun shy to continue the conversation, fearful that they may also be speaking to someone out of their MSSR.

I’m a college educated professional and haven’t had any trouble making friends up to this point, so I don’t believe I’m a social pariah. This dilemma really perplexes me. Maybe there should be a secret code word for those of us looking for local friends…something that identifies us as being open to accepting new people into our social circle. (Social circle of one, in my case, but open to expansion nonetheless.) I have to find an answer to the dilemma or I may find myself suddenly attending PTA meetings in yet another misguided attempt at making friends.